With the traditional handfasting it is structured in a way that recognizes that the process of joining your life with another's, will run through a series of natural progressions. For which there is a natural progression of rites of passage to accompany these milestones. Three initiations if you will.
The first vow taking, usually takes place within the first year of the couple meeting. This initial vow is made in front of witnesses physical and spiritual as a token of the couples commitment to each other. This vow is to "… love each other for a year and a day or as long as love shall last, which is eternal". This is the equivalent of what we have come to know as an engagement period, but is treated with far more gravity. Also being present at handfasting has far more gravity than being a guest at wedding reception as all present seen and unseen are also asked to take a vow to, give any assistance within their power to "aid and in no way hinder" the newly wedded couple.
The second vow is generally taken at the end of the year and a day. The second vow is either taken for 2 years and a day or 5 years and a day depending on the couple's personal beliefs.
MARRIAGE CELEBRANT Rev. Shé D'Montford TWO OF CUPS
By the end of the avowed year and a day period, most new couples have now been living together for 18 months approximately. This is often the time when most new couples decide to make it legal if that is their eventual desire. This second vow also proves to be wise, as statistically it is a well-recognised fact that the majority of divorces occur within the 18 month to 2 year mark after establishing cohabitation. It is generally my advice to wait and take your second vow only after you have been living together for 2 years. If the couple's love has deepened and strengthened during this period it is natural to deepen and strengthen their vows.
If the reverse has occurred then the relationship can be dissolved amicably and with dignity. There is also a ritual for dissolution and freedom, in which the handfasting knot is untied and the blessing is given by witnesses physical and spiritual on the couple's now new individual lives. This rite helps remove the uncertainty of the friends of the couple, as to where their loyalties lie after the couple separate. This rite therefore also gives the freedom back to the friends and guests to remain friendly with both parties. Because this rite of passage has been removed form society in general, I'm sure most of us have felt victim to this uncertainty, and felt pressured to join either one camp or the other. With the use of the dissolution rite it doesn't need to be that way.
The third vow is generally taken at the end of this avowed period with out delay for either, 10 years and a day or forever. This corresponds to what has come to be known as "The Renewal of Vows" that is often taken in society today. Alternatively if the couple so choose, a dissolution ritual may be opted for. Again if the couple's love has deepened and strengthened during this period it is natural to deepen and strengthen their vows. Usually a much stronger vow is taken at this point that includes " …Nor shall death part us: for in the fullness of time we shall be born again at the same time and in the same place as each other; and we shall meet and know and remember and love again…"
A word of caution here. I have seen this traditional Druid vow used many times, and have been asked to use it in the initial handfasting ceremony. I will always bow to the personal beliefs of another but remember"… never promises before the gods what you can not keep and never underestimate the power of your magickal word made with in the sacred space of a circle". It is my belief that there are so may dysfunctional karmic relationships about because of such vows made in previous lives that have not been laid to rest by the natural dissolution rite of death.
